I Love You Disgusting

Super... Duper... Hero Day (pt. 1)

Thu, 31 May 2012 14:19:00 -0500

Ah, summer. What to do, what to do? Make it “Super Hero” Day.

Themes are for weird people. Allow me to introduce myself, “Wonder Death Shield Mom Force”.

Events of SHD pt. 1:

1. Held our faithful friend, “Cow Cow” hostage in collaboration with Penguin and the Joker… however, when Batman and the guy from Imaginext caught wind, it was over for the evil villains.

2. Created our own “Comics” online… you can do it too… http://marvel.com/games/play/34/create_your_own_comic

3. Watched the “Next Avengers, Heroes of Tomorrow” movie on Netflix.

4. Made a “Super Hero Bingo” out of this template… http://images.birthdayinabox.com/partyplanning/superhero_memory.pdf

5. Then we ate “BatBocaBurgers” with Super Strawberries and Kryptonite Krisps while drinking Mr. Freeze Lemonade (blue dyed icecubes made this SUPER cool and SO little effort).

6. The “super hero” play area was set up for frequent play breaks, costumes were necessary and intermittent punch scenes with “cow cow”.

Then… “QUIET TIME” (which is this Wonder Momma’s personal favorite). The Kiddo retreats to his room for an hour of quiet play and I create this blog entry while watching the Food Network.

Pt. 2 or SHD to come…

Momma Logue Volume 147

Tue, 22 May 2012 13:34:17 -0500

WHEN A BOY PREPS YOUR LUNCH

Momma: Let’s get ready for lunch, okay?

Kiddo: I got it momma.

AND…

When your fiver preps for lunch, you witness a couple essential elements…

1. Scotch tape. You never know when you need to mend a hot dog or assist yourself in chewing with mouth LESS open.

2. A previously used napkin. For reasons I’m not yet aware.

3. A place for you pirate teeth. It’s not possible to munch with a mouthful of bad pirate teeth, so like any good 90 year old, you throw them in your water and get to eatin’.

4. A hand-decorated “Bat” plate courtesy of the kiddo. There aren’t many plates out there that include Batman standing next to “Robert” (aka Robin) while getting blasted by a large object resembling a butt.

Bon Appetit

Thirty Five and Ruby Reds

Fri, 18 May 2012 08:49:56 -0500

Here’s the deal, I’m turning 35. What have I been thinking about? Ruby red shoes:

Why? Because I’ve come to realize that “There’s no place like home”… ever. And it means two things to me-

1. There’s no place like the home I have with my mom and dad and siblings and when we all get back into the same room to have food together and hang out, it’s good. Real good.

2. I love my family. The one I’m creating with my husband. I dig knowing how much I love to be with them and feel just as safe and happy as I did growing up with my mom and dad, it’s good. Real good.

So… “There’s no place like home”.

But what’s a 35 year old gal going to do with ruby red glitter and shoes? Well… as I’ve thought this over, I get a blog update from Joy the Baker this morning…

http://joythebaker.com/2012/05/how-to-make-summer-city-shoes/

And although she calls her version, “City Summer Shoes”… I’m going to call mine, “Embracing Your Inner Child at Thirty Five… and feeling right at home”.

I’ll be wearing my ruby reds during year 35, so don’t judge when you see my kicks sparkle in the sun, folks… I’m livin’ life with a smile

(minus the mini dog and pig tails… they may be included at year thirty six or seven).

Momma Logue Volume 146

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:02:00 -0500

PERHAPS

Momma:“Perhaps” means that you might want to do something. It’s just a more dignified way of speaking. Like, you would say, “Mom, can I watch cartoons while I eat lunch?” and I would say, “perhaps” because I’m going to think about it… it’s like “maybe”. Get it?

Kiddo: Perhaps.

Quick. Smart. Cute. It’s what every parent wants until 12 years and 69 days later when we hoist with our own petard this divine trifecta.

*When you quote Shakespeare you seem dignified while you’re really shaken in your buskins at the prospect of future struggles.

Birthdays and Inhalers (in no particular order)

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:11:30 -0500

For my husband’s 35th, we were keeping a close eye on our five year old with pneumonia.

When you’re an adult, you realize that birthdays are less about friends, cakes and presents and more about family, food and things going smoothly.

Although we were tired and scared during the process of administering inhalers and taking temperatures, we managed to get in a good birthday dinner while our little one caught some Zs. I had drawn up a fun menu and enjoyed the therapeutic act of cooking after doing so many other activities that were nothing short of intense.

It was the highlight of birthday (well, that and good beer- thanks to Papa and Lulu, the new Mortal Kombat game and a good cigar for the birthday boy). We enjoyed sitting down to eat something delightful after a long hard day of being Dr. Mom and Dad.

Yep, birthdays just ain’t what they used to be… but we’re thankful that the little guy is now on the mend.

Spring Break "Momma-Style"

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 19:53:46 -0500

1. I don’t have to “be” anywhere that I don’t want to… well, mostly (because I’m a mom and wife which requires school taxi service, meal making and sleep).

2. It’s 80+ degrees right now… in MARCH and with the windows down, the kiddo and I can crack up about farts while not having to smell them in a sealed vehicle.

3. When I sit outside and the sun hits my face, I can pretend I’m “breaking” on an exotic island (before I suddenly wake to the overpowering aroma of dog turds next-door while a child is shouting for something in the bathroom).

4. Walks are abundant… like, good walks in fun places. I can go the gardens, to the museums, to the parks and really enjoy it. REALLY enjoy it because (refer to #1).

5. When I forget things that I shouldn’t forget, I get to say, “Sorry, man… I’m on spring break and I think my brain is shut down right now”… it’s so convenient when I’m in public wearing nothing but holey granny panties and a tank top (refer to #s 2 and 4).

6. I can create a free mini-golf course in the back-yard to provide endless hours of entertainment for the kiddo AND myself. I enjoy this most because I can cheat, drink a beer and take as long as I want at each hole withouta couple on their 2nd date riding my tail to hurry as I golf with a kid that takes 24 swings at a 3 par hole.

No, I’m not wearing a bikini in Florida (you did pay attention to the fact that I am wearing granny panties, right?) or dancing on a table in Mexico, but life is sweeter and brighter this way.

PLUS (bonus) I’m hanging out with boys that don’t barf Schnapp Bombs on me while using bad pick up lines. Although, my kiddo did ask me “Where Do Owls Sleep on Vacation?”… and yes, as I faux laughed at the “Whoo-tel” punchline (for the 52nd time this year) but realized that I’d take that over “Is that Windex in your pants?” any day.

Here’s to you, Spring Break…

A Little Somethin' Somethin'

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:34:10 -0600

It’s Valentines Day.

I’m going to let you in on a few little secrets about me.

A. I am not materialistic.

B. I love “memories” and “time” more than anything else.

C. When someone hears me… I mean REALLY hears me, it’s something you can’t buy.

This morning, I realized that my Valentine knows me and loves me well.

These cards are the best things I’ve ever gotten. They tell me that I have a wonderful hubby and little kiddo in my life that appreciate and love me a lot.

They’re made with thought and time, crayons and ink.

*For an Education Undergrad student, it’s like making cards with gold etching and diamonds.

**I would’ve taken a picture of the Spinach omelet that was made or me as it sat next to a cup of fresh brewed coffee this morning… but… the camera just didn’t get here fast enough as I devoured everything in less than 30 seconds.

Although I would admit that I’m not much of a contributor to the idea of “Valentines Day” (because I love my hubby and kiddo EVERY day) there’s nothing wrong with taking a minute to recognize how special love really is and that we just can’t take it for granted.

Home is Where the "Hearts" Are

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 15:11:06 -0600

Let me take you back to about 1984 or so.

Picture this…

A mom, a little girl, red construction paper and white doilies… now what do you think was created with such raw materials? Yes, homemade Valentines.

At the time I thought that I was going to be the laughing stock of the 3rd grade. How can some paper and lace compete with Strawberry Shortcake, Care Bears and the Smurfs?

I knew I could only top these competitive greetings with a Punky Brewster Valentine with inclusive sucker slot for a Dum Dum or Blow Pop… but no…

(SECRET: I loved making these Valentines, I just wasn’t so confident that my peers would find the Renaissance artist wrapped inside and enjoy them as much as my mom and I did).

Although they were never really appreciated to the degree they deserved, it wasn’t about the kids loving them, it was about my mom loving me.

That was 28 years ago. Guess what?

Yes, it’s a SuperHero Valentine. It’s homemade and inspired by Family Fun.

My son didn’t pass out Ninja Turtles, Star Wars or Spongebob this year… we made sucker SuperHeros with the message, “You’re a Super Friend”.

It’s Preschool, so I figure I can work my way up to the 3rd grade. Maybe they weren’t appreciated by all the peers in my kiddos class, but we giggled and enjoyed the time making them together and that is what it’s all really about.

Let's Face It...

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:57:54 -0600

Let’s Face It, there are 3 great things about showers…

1. The clean crevasses

2. A sense of refreshing and the soap smell

3. Wet and crazy hair (THIS is the greatest of these three things).

When you get crazy, fresh outta the towel hair, it’s necessary to create a game that truly embraces the odd “dew”…

Kiddo: Okay, on the count of three, I’m gonna make a weirdo face and say, “Der”

Momma: I’m all over it… let’s do this

Kiddo: Okay, “One, two, three… ‘DER’”

Let’s try this again…

“ONE, TWO THREE… ‘DER’”

Okay, okay… one more

“One, Two, Three… ‘DER’”

I happen to enjoy this last one… it’s so “botox”.

(CHUCKLE)

If I were to create a book of 100 reasons to pro-create, this whole scenario easily falls at a #5.

The Year of Simplicity

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 08:38:00 -0600

Some of you may know that as of January 1^st, I entered what I so adoringly have called, “The Year of Simplicity”. It may seem, well, “simple”, but it’s truly not. After 15 years of Life Tornadoes and Hurricanes (which have included some delightful spins in wind), I am riding on the calm AFTER the storm.

How does one mom in full-time college courses with a Kindergartener and Hubby maintain such a life? By one very important and 2 letter (I said TWO letter) word… “N-O”.

Women and men everywhere tend to view this tiny vocabulary as a negative and nasty in the world of words, however, it’s a great tool.

EXAMPLE: “Hey, I wanted to know if you’d be interested in doing… “

*Now let’s pause here… this means A. Work B. Time C. Energy. You can’t “do” without moving and thinking and giving it some time and energy.

SO….

“No”.

(Did you take notices of the PERIOD that followed? It’s the end. You’ve said it ALL).

Now don’t get me wrong… I’m built with a servant’s heart and a love for being “involved” with things when the time is right.

At 35 years old, it’s important to realize that I’m in the mid-stream… I ain’t gettin’ any younger but I gotta WHOLE bunch of life to live and I don’t wanna ruin that by getting stress-anxiety and hives. It’s not a “LEAVE ME ALONE”, it’s an “I need to breathe”. Much nicer, yes?

*Note the lax vocabulary and slang? It means I’m relaxed and not doing too much… even articulating properly through blog-ness. Ahh… I’m smiling at the thought. See?

And here, my friends, is the moral to this lengthy tale…

When you hear, “I know you’re really busy….” At the beginning of a sentence… gear up… it’s time… you can do it….

“NO”.

Similar to the 1980s anti-drug campaign, we need to rally for ourselves and “just say no”.

Baby Momma- MIA

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 17:04:41 -0600

Yep, I’m MIA. I would certainly say that I’ve been immersed in full on action sequence known as “life”.

I haven’t been writing since August (actively and consistently, that is) because I’m finishing my Bachelor’s Degree and taking care of my family (hubby and kiddo).

As you may have grasped from earlier Momma Logues, there is never a dull moment or lack of casual banter around our place. With THAT said, there is also little time to have academic thoughts or to concentrate on things that include textbooks and lectures in old buildings.

I love to write. I love my family. I love the fact that I’ll be graduating college next year! In order to stay sane and give all of these elements top priority, my blog writing is on hiatus until May.

*As I write this mini-blog entry, I’ve been interrupted (AND I COUNTED) 6 times. That’s 6 times in 15 minutes. So yes, I will NOT be intentionally writing again until summertime. This is when I can include deep breaths and cocktails into my regular agenda.

**I would like to give a special “shout out” to Mr. Steve Adkins, who told me yesterday that he loved my site and Momma Logues. I find this to be extremely complimentary as he has recently retired from teaching after 40 years (which inspires this Early Ed Undergrad) and not to mention, he’s one of the nicest people you’ll meet. I had no idea he had read this little ol’ blog. Thanks Mr. Adkins!

Here's to you, 2011.

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:58:40 -0600

2011 was a wild ride, folks. Here are some highlights:

Hubs and Kid traveled out of the US to join an elite group of ninja warriors.

Upon returning, Kid took shape as a man spider, creeping our walls and ceilings on a daily basis. It was weird, but after a little getting used to, we began to appreciate his ability to transport us through downtown rush-hour on a single web.

*Note how relaxed I appear as I bag groceries in my living room.

SUMMER…

I fell into a watering hole and the world was quickly reminded of the 1986 tragedy of Baby Jessica’s backyard Well Fall.

Later in the year I volunteered at a local Head Start Program and some kid attached a rare venomous insect to my cheek during a moment of sandbox play. Despite the strange odor that comes from my gaping face hole, I will use the profits from the lawsuit I file against this little turd, to alter my appearance completely and clinch a role in the 2013 X-Men film.

THEN…

this happened

http://www.iloveyoudisgusting.com/post/12537936848/the-mombie

And as if that wasn’t enough…

This guy stalked me for a while by sitting in my front yard at night until we realized that he was actually my brother and invited him to come in for Turkey dinner. It was awkwardly frightening and heartwarming.

Finally, to end the year with a grand finale in Pro/Con form…. (Drum-roll)…

PRO- The Hub grew a pretty rad barbell mustache and made a YouTube Video that truly represented his new found personality.

CON- The Hub grew a barbell mustache.

(YouTube Sensation, below):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLdnzry1bOc&context=C3df6264ADOEgsToPDskJPsLLkrX0oi_3ReX3SCCPj

SHAZAM, 2011… SHA… ZAAAAAM!

Life is Pretty Simple

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 14:42:00 -0600

A few weeks ago, someone said, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?”

Embrace the spirit of gratitude and wonderment that the world has something to offer you and that you’re given a chance each day to consider it…the ups and the downs… the mountains and the valleys… the fears and the comforts… life isn’t black and white.

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
Leonardo da Vinci

Tomorrow as I wake up, I will let all that I’ve been thankful for squeeze me as I stroll into a holiday where I get another moment to be in this life with the things that I am forever grateful for… the things that matter and the things that make life its simplest.

“What if you wake up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today?”

Momma Logue Volume 145

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:18:00 -0600

RAISINS

Momma: Okay buddy, you’re in charge of RAISINS for your class’ Thanksgiving feast.

Toddler: I’m in charge of RAISINS, SERIOUSLY? THAT is awesome!

Momma: Wow, are you excited?

Toddler: I can NOT believe I get to bring the raisins! I’M in charge of the RAISINS?!

90 year-olds everywhere will feel the love this Thanksgiving as a five year old shares their zeal for poop fruit.

The Mombie

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:38:00 -0600

The “Mombie”, also known as a femaleose caretakera, is a species native to the “home”. Despite it’s name, the Mombie is functional on a daily basis and does not actually consume other humans (although may be tempted at times).

The Mombie is primarily carnivorous and tends to snack on the scraps of small beings. Mombies have few predators due to their uncanny nature of seeming like a crackpot once per month.

Although mostly solitary in terms of personal need, the mombie requires partnership in the form of “date” on a regular basis. This should include food that is prepared by another human and multiple beverages containing high volumes of alcohol.

The Mombie tends to have a neutral diet that is known to slide between healthy and that which contains large amounts of cocoa based products and things covered in a batter and submerged in hot oil.

If you see the Mombie, please be aware that they are often angered by the smell of urine that cannot be pinpointed to a specific location in the bathroom.

Momma Logue Volume 144

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:29:43 -0500

ELEPHANT MAN

Toddler: Uncle C is a dude because he has hair in his butt, right?

Momma: No, I said that a “dude” is a hair on an elephant’s butt.

Toddler: That’s what I said.

Uncle C may dance to the beat of his own drum, but he’s no Victorian Freak show.

Momma Logue Volume 143

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 21:32:26 -0500

SPANKS (and not the Oprah kind)

Toddler: You hurt my feelings

Momma: I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but mine are hurt too.

Toddler: Well, I DID mean to hurt yours. I think you’re okay. I’m the one with the spank butt.

Kid’s got a point.

Momma Logue Volume 142

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 13:57:00 -0500

Ignorance is Bliss

Momma: You know, sometimes we have to listen and follow directions even when we think we’ll get in trouble

Toddler: But if I don’t hear you, you can’t be mad

Momma: No, someone can still be upset whether you ignore them or not

Toddler: But if I ignore them, I can’t get into trouble

Momma: No, that just means it gets harder

Toddler: It’s not hard I just run faster away

Momma: You can’t run from things, you have to just be ready to take consequences or listen.

Toddler: Where did my brain go?

And I thought I was the one losing my mind.

Momma Logue Volume 141

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:03:23 -0500

CAREER DAY

Toddler: Mom! I wanna be a construction-er when I get grown up, but I wanna be a Cowboy too

Momma: Be both

Toddler: You CAN’T do both… That doesn’t work, mom…

Momma: Sure you can, just do construction in the summer, spring and fall- then you can go to a ranch out west in the winter. I wanted to be a lot of things when I grew up- you just have to figure out how to do everything you want to do.

Toddler: For your job, you wanted to be “mom”? You’re good at that.

Of all my skills, he identified my greatest achievement and patted me on the back. Who needs a PhD in Physics when you can clean a butt crack everyday around 2pm with a flushable wipe?

Momma Logue Volume 140

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 14:49:37 -0500

HAND WASHING

Momma: Go wash your hands…

Toddler: Did you wash YOUR hands after lunch?

Momma: Umm….

Toddler: I’m callin’ you out!

For over 30 years I was able to live with lunch crust fingertips without thinking twice… I have one baby and the world beckons me to a hygiene upgrade.