I Love You Disgusting

Yep, I’m MIA. I would certainly say that I’ve been immersed in full on action sequence known as “life”.

I haven’t been writing since August (actively and consistently, that is) because I’m finishing my Bachelor’s Degree and taking care of my family (hubby and kiddo).

As you may have grasped from earlier Momma Logues, there is never a dull moment or lack of casual banter around our place. With THAT said, there is also little time to have academic thoughts or to concentrate on things that include textbooks and lectures in old buildings.

I love to write. I love my family. I love the fact that I’ll be graduating college next year! In order to stay sane and give all of these elements top priority, my blog writing is on hiatus until May.

*As I write this mini-blog entry, I’ve been interrupted (AND I COUNTED) 6 times. That’s 6 times in 15 minutes. So yes, I will NOT be intentionally writing again until summertime. This is when I can include deep breaths and cocktails into my regular agenda.

**I would like to give a special “shout out” to Mr. Steve Adkins, who told me yesterday that he loved my site and Momma Logues. I find this to be extremely complimentary as he has recently retired from teaching after 40 years (which inspires this Early Ed Undergrad) and not to mention, he’s one of the nicest people you’ll meet. I had no idea he had read this little ol’ blog. Thanks Mr. Adkins!

2011 was a wild ride, folks. Here are some highlights:

Hubs and Kid traveled out of the US to join an elite group of ninja warriors.

Upon returning, Kid took shape as a man spider, creeping our walls and ceilings on a daily basis. It was weird, but after a little getting used to, we began to appreciate his ability to transport us through downtown rush-hour on a single web.

*Note how relaxed I appear as I bag groceries in my living room.

SUMMER…

I fell into a watering hole and the world was quickly reminded of the 1986 tragedy of Baby Jessica’s backyard Well Fall.

Later in the year I volunteered at a local Head Start Program and some kid attached a rare venomous insect to my cheek during a moment of sandbox play. Despite the strange odor that comes from my gaping face hole, I will use the profits from the lawsuit I file against this little turd, to alter my appearance completely and clinch a role in the 2013 X-Men film. 

THEN…

this happened

http://www.iloveyoudisgusting.com/post/12537936848/the-mombie

And as if that wasn’t enough…

This guy stalked me for a while by sitting in my front yard at night until we realized that he was actually my brother and invited him to come in for Turkey dinner. It was awkwardly frightening and heartwarming. 

Finally, to end the year with a grand finale in Pro/Con form…. (Drum-roll)…

PRO- The Hub grew a pretty rad barbell mustache and made a YouTube Video that truly represented his new found personality.

CON- The Hub grew a barbell mustache.

(YouTube Sensation, below):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLdnzry1bOc&context=C3df6264ADOEgsToPDskJPsLLkrX0oi_3ReX3SCCPj

SHAZAM, 2011… SHA… ZAAAAAM!

A few weeks ago, someone said, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?”

Embrace the spirit of gratitude and wonderment that the world has something to offer you and that you’re given a chance each day to consider it…the ups and the downs… the mountains and the valleys… the fears and the comforts… life isn’t black and white.

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
Leonardo da Vinci

Tomorrow as I wake up, I will let all that I’ve been thankful for squeeze me as I stroll into a holiday where I get another moment to be in this life with the things that I am forever grateful for… the things that matter and the things that make life its simplest.

“What if you wake up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today?”

RAISINS

Momma: Okay buddy, you’re in charge of RAISINS for your class’ Thanksgiving feast.

Toddler: I’m in charge of RAISINS, SERIOUSLY? THAT is awesome!

Momma: Wow, are you excited? 

Toddler: I can NOT believe I get to bring the raisins! I’M in charge of the RAISINS?!

90 year-olds everywhere will feel the love this Thanksgiving as a five year old shares their zeal for poop fruit.

The “Mombie”, also known as a femaleose caretakera, is a species native to the “home”. Despite it’s name, the Mombie is functional on a daily basis and does not actually consume other humans (although may be tempted at times).

The Mombie is primarily carnivorous and tends to snack on the scraps of small beings. Mombies have few predators due to their uncanny nature of seeming like a crackpot once per month. 

Although mostly solitary in terms of personal need, the mombie requires partnership in the form of “date” on a regular basis. This should include food that is prepared by another human and multiple beverages containing high volumes of alcohol.

The Mombie tends to have a neutral diet that is known to slide between healthy and that which contains large amounts of cocoa based products and things covered in a batter and submerged in hot oil.

If you see the Mombie, please be aware that they are often angered by the smell of urine that cannot be pinpointed to a specific location in the bathroom.

ELEPHANT MAN

Toddler: Uncle C is a dude because he has hair in his butt, right?

Momma: No, I said that a “dude” is a hair on an elephant’s butt.

Toddler: That’s what I said.

Uncle C may dance to the beat of his own drum, but he’s no Victorian Freak show.

SPANKS (and not the Oprah kind)

Toddler: You hurt my feelings

Momma: I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but mine are hurt too.

Toddler: Well, I DID mean to hurt yours. I think you’re okay. I’m the one with the spank butt.

Kid’s got a point.

Ignorance is Bliss

Momma: You know, sometimes we have to listen and follow directions even when we think we’ll get in trouble

Toddler: But if I don’t hear you, you can’t be mad

Momma: No, someone can still be upset whether you ignore them or not

Toddler: But if I ignore them, I can’t get into trouble

Momma: No, that just means it gets harder

Toddler: It’s not hard I just run faster away

Momma: You can’t run from things, you have to just be ready to take consequences or listen.

Toddler: Where did my brain go?

And I thought I was the one losing my mind.

CAREER DAY

Toddler: Mom! I wanna be a construction-er when I get grown up, but I wanna be a Cowboy too

Momma: Be both

Toddler: You CAN’T do both… That doesn’t work, mom…

Momma: Sure you can, just do construction in the summer, spring and fall- then you can go to a ranch out west in the winter. I wanted to be a lot of things when I grew up- you just have to figure out how to do everything you want to do.

Toddler: For your job, you wanted to be “mom”? You’re good at that.

Of all my skills, he identified my greatest achievement and patted me on the back. Who needs a PhD in Physics when you can clean a butt crack everyday around 2pm with a flushable wipe?  

HAND WASHING

Momma: Go wash your hands…

Toddler: Did you wash YOUR hands after lunch?

Momma: Umm….

Toddler: I’m callin’ you out!

For over 30 years I was able to live with lunch crust fingertips without thinking twice… I have one baby and the world beckons me to a hygiene upgrade.